Spam turning 30

From meager beginnings 30 years ago, we are blessed today with a daily stream of annoyances in the form of backwater home remedy cures for erectile dysfunction, surefire one penny stock tips, pyramid schemes, and et cetera.

And we have Gary Thuerk to thank, who on May 3, 1978 sent a sales email to 393 users on Arpanet (then a U.S. government computer network and the predecessor of today's Internet) that would lead to the antithesis of innovation -- SPAM!

If I had a birthday wish today, I would be connected and have a Hawaii-sized warehouse of SPAM (the chewy kind, if you have to ask) delivered to his home the old-fashioned way, USPS overnight. Add some BBQ sauce for flavor.

Creamed Corn, a Haiku

soupy canned sweetcorn
worse than runny scrambled eggs
the thought makes me ralph

J.Lo's Double Bundle

J.Lo has made a difficult decision after the delivery of twins early Friday. She's decided to give up one for adoption to Angelina, who can now check off "adopt Hispanic baby" from here "1,000 things to do before I buy a small country" list. Next up, save an Inuit village from global warming.

Is there...?

In this age of low-rise jeans and low-slung trousers, is there an official modern term for the outdated plumber's crack. This is not meant to offend our friendly neighborhood potable pipe maintenance technicians that might hold an affinity to the description, but it's now a more widespread epidemic. Needlessly viewable on trains, in bars, and at the grocery, to name only a few.

Well, no sooner do I ask the question, than I have an answer. Found in Wikipedia is "buttock cleavage." Plus, several more unforgettable terminologies (My favorite of which is coin slot. Plus you can find a definition for the more tolerable exhibition of underpants.) But, is this the definitive term? The Web's most popular free encyclopedia does include in its tag line "...that anyone can edit." And, a downside of Wikipedia is that there's no requirement that an author(s) be listed. The entry's sources hardly seem reputable.

If the term planet can be defined officially by IAU, thus ousting Pluto, it's time that an international authority is commisioned to give validity to terms such as the one most associated with the squatting trades person found in the yellow pages. I recommend that the defining society is headed by medical professionals and those with bilogical experitse.

File this under: unnecessary, questionable, random, somewhat crude, bathroom humor

Come on!?!

Today, I saw somebody driving a BMV with the vanity plate "BMW." Is this necessary? Was the licence plate "IMEgo" already taken? There's a prisoner somewhere who took time making that plate when they could have been studying for their GED or Associate's degree. I just filed paperwork to get the plate "PINTO."

Rejected Merriam-Webster submission

According to the Associated Press, Merriam-Webster has updated its Collegiate Dictionary, which goes on sale this fall with about 100 newly added words.

A few added include ginormous (a personal fave), DVR, and flex-cuff.

Although I submitted several words for submission, all were sadly rejected. Here's just one sample:

Sarcastricfication: the act of overdoing it with sarcasm to the point that emergency rooms are overrun with people whose eyes have literally rolled to back of their heads.

Sad concept

It is rumored by a most dubious source that while brainstorming ideas for a new ad campaign, one S_A_D_D student marketing intern suggested the concept "Friends don't let dead friends drive."

Once said marketeer was sober, he realized the true stupidity of his thinking.